Taking over Naruto
by BadFiction
Summary: "Look I understand why THEY are here. But I don't even like Naruto!" The hag shrugged. "Glitch." I debated smacking her. "Oh don't give me that look. It happens! I'm two hundred and fifty years old, I'm not perfect." AU OCxGaa...maybe. Definitely crack
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I can't believe I'm reposting this…;p**

**Older readers will note the changes I've made.**

**Enjoy ;p**

**Badfiction**

**OooOooO**

**Disclaimer: Don't Own Naruto, and sadly I never will. But I sure as hell love messing with all the characters! ; ) (This applies to all chapters)**

**OooOooO**

**WARNING: Cussing, dark thoughts, character bashing, anime lover bashing, fluff, bad cliché romantic situations, possible smut (but no lemons, sorry don't do them!), drugs, drinking, blood and gore, disturbing ideas, stuck up bitchiness, emoness, overused plot idea's, randomness, possible spoilers, bad grammar usage, misspelled words, oocness, some Mary Sueness, long waits in between updates, character death, laziness, discrepancies with canon, and last but not least—this Fan fic will most likely end up being highly addicting. (Are you really **_**sure**_** you want to read this?)**

**Oh, and I am not held responsible for anyone being stupid enough to attempt to recreate any acts of stupidity written about in this story. Building flame torches with a lighter and hairspray will set stuff on fire…just saying…not that I've ever tried…heh.**

**So read at your own risk. You have been warned . . .**

**OooOooO**

**Taking over Naruto**

**OooOooO**

**Summary: **_**"Look I understand why THEY are here. But I don't even like Naruto!" The hag shrugged. "Glitch." I debated smacking her. "Oh don't give me that look. It happens! I'm two hundred and fifty years old, I'm not perfect." AU OCxGaa maybe…crackish**_

**OooOooO**

**Ch. 1 Bye Bye Kansas . . .**

**OooOooO**

_You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.-_**Mark Twain**

**OooOooO**

I know what you're thinking.

_Another_ 'I found myself in the Naruto world' story about some unbelievable, dorky, anime loving Mary Sue who manages to "teleport" into the show and make every character fall in love with her. Or better yet manages to "save" everyone she meets because she already knows what's going to happen. In the end, said girl finds her one true love and they live happily ever after, right?

Wrong.

I am NOT some dorky cartoon obsessed girl. I don't have self-esteem issues, I don't have a tragic passed, and I absolutely HATE the show Naruto. My stupid sister and my stupid brother are the ones who hog the T.V. every night after dinner so they rot their brains on a rerun they already have memorized. It's so annoying I want to rip the plug out of the wall and strangle the Naruto gene out of them.

Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to try explaining to my friends that the reason my brother is climbing the siding of the house is because he thinks he has 'Ninja' abilities.

I've had to deal with flame throwers made from a hairspray bottle and a lighter, a water dragon summon out of the kitchen sink, and a 'seal' around my door done with duct tape. There were other things too, but I've given up on even _attempting_ figuring out what the Narutards are talking about anymore. The only thing I know is that Naruto is lucky he's not a real person. If he were, I'd have to destroy him.

As if being weird wasn't bad enough, lately my siblings have been insisting on new nicknames.

Meet my sister "Kiyomi", and my brother "Naoki".

Or not; I point blank told them, "You're not Japanese, you're American. You're names are Kelly and Nick, and that's what I'm going to call you—so get over it!"

Of course they retaliate by setting up some kind of elaborate prank, or worse bring in the 'rents getting me in some type of trouble; stupid brats. I don't care, I'm pretty sure they have mental issues. If they get in my way too much I'll just hand over my sister's diary to the local insane asylum.

I'm pretty sure once they see "Future Mrs. Uchiha" written all over it, they won't hesitate to give her a fashionable new white jacket and a padded room. No doubt my brother will fit right in as well. Running around the house yelling "Believe it!" at random times is in no way normal. I knocked over an entire rack of dishes once because he startled me so much. And who got in trouble for it? Me.

And he wonders why I buried part of his Manga collection in the backyard. He still hasn't found it, but that's beside the point.

Heh, where was I?

Oh, yeah. It's embarrassing to admit I'm related to them. Luckily, I usually don't have to.

This just proves my point, however, of why my story is different from others you might have heard. By all rights it should have been my siblings who got to live out their little fantasy world. I should have had nothing to do with it.

I was as happy as a seventeen year old girl could be. My life was perfect. My future was perfect.

Or at least it would have if _this_ hadn't happened.

All ruined because of a stupid thunderstorm, a stupid tree, and a stupid senile old witch.

Okay, so maybe that part's not all that original.

**OooOooO**

"_Oh, come on Rachel! Please, please, please!"_ begged the girl on the other end of my cell.

I look in the mirror next to my bed hesitating before I responded. "I don't know. You haven't really told me much about him."

"_Does it really matter? You and I both know the kid doesn't have a shot at a second date with you."_

"You're not really convincing me here, Jess." I pointed out, while smoothing a stray strand of dark brown hair. I smiled once it was perfectly in place.

Jess huffed into her end of the phone. _"Damn it, Rachel! You owe me this! Or did you forget who drove you home in the middle of the night last weekend!"_

I cringed at the memory. I had been at my boyfriend, Danny's house. He lived on the other side of town and had thrown a _huge_ summer party last weekend. As was expected of me, I went to show support.

As was not expected of me, I dumped my drink in his face when I found him kissing one of the college girls his brother brought with him. Needless to say he didn't take it too well and Jess had to save me from sleeping outside Danny's house in a mud puddle. I swore that I would do her any favor she asked after that; but this was a bit too much.

"Jess, I'm not going on a double date with some psycho cousin of your boyfriend, just so you can two can ditch me." I informed.

She was nothing if not persistent.

"_But, Tim's mom won't let him go out tonight unless he takes his cousin too. She claims it's rude to leave him behind when he's a guest; or something like that. His cousin's being a prick about the whole thing, and says that he's won't go anywhere unless Tim makes it worth his while!" _She begged.

"Oh, he sounds real charming." I said sarcastically. "Exactly the kind of guy I want to give up my weekend for."

"_He's usually not that bad. Tim says he's just pissed about having to spend summer vacation in the city. He had made plans to go to the beach with some of his friends this summer. Besides, Tim and I aren't going to leave you alone with him. Not that he'd talk to you, anyway; he's rather antisocial. And we'll pay for everything, promise! Please! All you have to do is come!"_

It was useless arguing with Jess. She always found a way around any excuse I might come up with. I sighed, knowing I was going to regret this later. "Fine, but you guys have to come pick me up. My car's in the shop."

A lie; I just didn't feel like wasting gas to go on a worthless date.

"_Oh my God, Yes! We'll pick you up! Yes! Thank you so much, Rachel! I'm hugging you through the phone right now!" _She was yelling so loudly that I had to hold the phone away from my ear. I feared going deaf if I didn't.

Finally, she calmed down enough for me to get a word in. "Yeah, yeah. Just let me know what time to expect you."

"_Seven?"_

I looked at the clock. It was six fifteen. "Seriously, Jess!" I yelled back into the phone. "You expect me to be ready in forty-five minutes!"

"_Well it's not like you're trying to impress anyone."_

"Yeah, but I still need to look nice if I'm going in public!" I cried back.

"_Opps! Sorry!"_ She apologized.

"Yeah, whatever; just let me go so I can jump in the shower!"

"_Alright, see you in a bit. Bye."_

"Bye."

I practically punched the 'end' button on my phone before throwing it on my bed and rushing into the hallway.

I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and ran into the bathroom. A bright flash of light lit up the hall behind me, and a loud crack of thunder sounded outside. The sudden noise startled me, and I jumped defensively. Heavy raindrops were heard pelting the roof shortly after.

_Great, just great; now I had a thunderstorm to add to my already down spiraling evening._

**OooOooO**

Shower done, cute navy sweater and a pair of jeans on, my makeup finished; I was setting a new record of getting ready for a date. Twenty minute until Jess and co would arrive and all I had left was my hair.

Then again, twenty minutes to do my hairs wasn't a realistic amount of time. I had to dry it, and straighten it, and tweak it to perfection with all kinds of anti-frizz products.

It was the cursed relationship of curly hair and rain.

_CRASH!_

"What the hell?" I muttered, running into the hall and down the stairs towards the noise.

As I approached the living room, I knew I had been better off pretending I hadn't heard anything. Remember those idiot siblings I mentioned earlier? One was standing on the coffee table with a paper dagger in his hand, while the other was standing on the back of the couch prepared to launch. And launch she did. Both were sent flying to the floor as I watched in horror as _another_ lamp crashed with them. Looking around the room, I noticed books, pillows, and numerous other objects had been scattered about as well.

I lost it. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

They both stopped in the middle of their fight and looked up at me from the floor. Together they said, "Sparring."

Sparring? You had to be kidding me.

"Are you guys out of your minds?" I yelled. Realizing what I had just said, I waved my hands in front of me. "No wait, don't answer that. I already know you are."

Nick let go of the headlock he had Kelly in and scowled. "What's the matter? Jealous that we know how to have fun, and you don't?"

"Psh." I huffed. "Like you two could ever give me a reason to be jealous. I'm just wondering what made you idiots think it was okay to destroy the house while mom and dad are on a business trip."

"What? Are you our boss? You think you can tell us what to do?" Nick snorted, picking himself up off the floor.

"Yeah. You're not even here half the time so what do you care? Why don't you just go have fun with your boyfriend or whatever?" Kelly scoffed while glaring at me.

I was about to respond to that, but the doorbell rang. I looked at my watch, six fifty. Jess was early.

_Crap! I don't have any shoes on yet!_ I groaned inwardly, as I ran down the hall and opened the main door.

"Hey! You'll never believe what the idiots—" I started before my words caught in my mouth. My strawberry blond friend was not the one standing in front of me. "Oh."

Instead, I saw a thin, ancient looking woman, with a dark shawl covering long gray hair. In her hunched over position she barely stood level with my chest, and I would be willing to bet that even if she were standing up all the way she still wouldn't reach my chin.

She smiled at me, and I swore I could hear the winkles on her face cracking in the process. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little creeped out; I've never been a huge fan of the elderly.

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked warily, while secretly trying to tell if she had a machete or a blowtorch hidden behind her back.

Nowadays one can't be too careful! And little old ladies can be deceiving…

"My car broke down in front of your house. I was wondering if you would let an old lady use the phone and wait for a tow truck out of the rain." Her voice was dry and scratchy, and reminded me of nails running down a chalkboard. Unfortunately, my parents taught me manners and even though I wanted to slam the door in her face; I invited her in.

"The phone's in here." I said, leading her into the living room. Kelly and Nick had already switched from trying to kill each other to taking over the couch and pigging out on popcorn. Unsurprisingly, an episode of Naruto filled the television screen. They glance at me and the old woman briefly, before gluing their eyes back to the brain cell killing cartoon.

You would never guess that they were only a year younger than me, because they sure didn't act like any sixteen year olds I associated with.

Before I could insult them for being losers, the doorbell rang again. I checked my watch; seven on the dot. I groaned and ran back to the door to meet Jess, Tim, and the date from hell.

"Rachel!" The door hadn't even opened all the way before I found myself in a bone crushing embrace. "You're _so_ totally my hero! I love you, I love you, I love you!"

"Your love is killing me." I manage to gasp out.

"Oops! Sorry!" she giggled, releasing me.

Behind her, Tim rolled his eyes. It was a known fact that Jess was known for her overactive tendencies, but for some reason it just made her all the more lovable. Tim was a saint for sticking by her for as long as he had. Four years and they were still running strong.

I smiled at Jess's good luck.

I lost that smile as I caught sight of the person behind Tim. God, I was going to kill Jess for talking me into this.

Not only was the third person standing at my door unacceptable date material, but he had the look of someone most wouldn't want to get caught alone with in a dark alleyway. Black boots, baggy black jeans, chains, studded belt, black fingerless gloves, black sweat jacket. His hood was up or I would have bet he had black hair too.

What was Jess thinking? I couldn't even see his face clearly!

I glared daggers at Jess while she mouthed 'Sorry' to me in a way that both boys couldn't see.

Tim noticing my stare, rubbed the back of his head nervously, "Uh, Rachel this is my cousin S—"

The rest of that sentence was lost with the flash of lighting, and the crack of thunder booming directly overhead. The next thing I knew the sounds of broken glass echoed from the living room, and all the lights went out.

"Come_ on_!" I raised my fist at whatever god was against me, before running to see if the twins were okay.

I found the room mysteriously empty, the glow of the T.V. the only light in the room.

_Maybe they went to look for flash lights?_ I thought, looking over the damage.

The glass I heard breaking had been the result of an oversized evergreen in the back yard diving through the floor to ceiling windows my father insisted on installing. Rain water splashed everywhere, and hurricane winds were tossing around anything that weighed less than five pounds.

Some of the branches were still caught on the frame of the house, so I was careful not to get too close as I cleaned up what I could and looked for a flashlight underneath the T.V. stand. It wasn't until I had almost turned completely around and was headed back out the room that I realized something else was seriously wrong.

It hadn't been completely obvious at first because I always ignore the T.V. when the twins have their show on. Now, I was wondering how I could be so oblivious.

The lights in the house were out; meaning that there was no electricity. So why was I looking at Naruto's face on the television screen?

I backed away slowly, not daring to get any closer. Officially freaked out didn't begin to describe how I was feeling, and then when I saw two familiar teens flash across the screen, I nearly dropped my flashlight.

"_Oh, my God! Naoki! This is so cool!"_

"_I know Kiyomi! We're in Naruto! This is awesome!"_

Scratch that. The flashlight fell out of my hand with a _'clunk' _and rolled across the floor.

"That's not _possible_!" I shouted dumbstruck, unable to look away from the horror in front of me.

It had finally happened. I had listened to Kelly and Nick obsessively talk about Naruto so much, that I had finally lost my mind. The alternative was that the laws of physics had been broken and my freaky siblings really _had_ been sucked into an alternate universe containing the cartoon world they obsessed daily with.

I refused to accept that possibility. At the same time, I wasn't about to stick around and wait to be sucked in after them, either.

I spun around, aiming to run as far away from the possessed television set as I could.

Unfortunately, Mother Nature had another idea.

Remember those branches I mentioned? Well guess exactly what time they chose to swing into the room, just enough to slam me flying back into the same T.V. set I had been so adamantly trying to get away from.

Got to love Mother Nature; I think I'll kick the next tree I see.

**OooOooO**

_This is not happening._

I rubbed my eyes, praying the sight before me would go away. When that didn't work, I tried pinching myself; hard. It was still there. I smacked myself across the face.

Nope, the image would not go away.

I tried not to panic and accept the fact that, _'Yep, I really was looking at a mass forest'._

And I still didn't have any shoes on.

_Oh my god! It's real! _I mentally freaked.

_This is not happening._

I was so terrified that I couldn't move.

_This is not happening. People do _not_ get sucked into cartoon shows!_

I had to find my siblings so I could get the _hell_ out of here. No wait, this was hell. Ha! Was this my punishment for not being nicer to that nerdy kid in my gym class? I swear, I will never through another ball at his head when he's not looking, just as long as I wake up from this nightmare.

I closed my eyes, I opened them. No luck.

"Aww, what's the matter, sweety? Not having fun yet?"

The taunting voice was coming from a tree branch above me so I looked up to find the owner. My eyes recognized instantly the black shawl of the ancient looking woman, who had suckered me into using the phone. She was handing upside down and grinning at me. I knew I shouldn't have let her in.

"You!" I yelled, standing to my socked feet and pointing an accusing finger at her. "You did this to me!"

She nodded, not a bit of guilt on her face. "Yep."

"Well undo it!" I hollered at her. "Send me back! Quickly!"

She flipped off the branch and landed in front of me. As she cracked her back, she said something that made me want to commit an act of unspeakable violence. "Can't undo it—ah, that's better. Once you're here it's permanent until the story plays out."

"No." I said. "No, no, no, no, no."

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." The old hag rolled her eyes at me. "Now let's see here…"

She pulled a huge leather bound book from seemingly nowhere and sucked in an exaggerated amount of air. As she released the breath, dust flew off the book and into my face causing me to cover my mouth coughing. When I recovered she had the book opened and was flipping through the pages obviously searching for something; what I could only imagine.

"A-ha!" she exclaimed. "I found the objective of your story!"

"Huh?" I couldn't even pretend to understand what she was talking about.

The old hag shook her head like I should already know, and I swear I saw dust fly off her body in the process. "I already told you; if you want to go home, your story needs to play out."

She pointed to a page. "See here it says that Nicholas aka. Naoki has to complete his destiny of becoming a great ninja who save his comrades from a rising evil."

I rolled my eyes. Typical, we _were_ in a _ninja_ story. Of course my brother would have to become a great _ninja_ hero.

"And here it says that Kelly aka. Kiyomi must save her true love from the brink of death."

I couldn't contain my groan. Any more predictable and I would puke.

She turned the page. "And you—"

I cut her off. "Look, I understand why the twins are here. This is like their fantasy come true. But I don't even like Naruto, so how did I even end up here?"

The hag just shrugged. "Glitch."

I glared, debating whether or not it was immoral to slap an old woman when technically she was a figment of someone's imagination.

"Oh don't give me that look. It happens sometimes." She put her hand on her hip. "I'm two hundred and fifty years old, I'm not perfect."

I was going to ring her neck. I moved to step forward, ready to give her a piece of my mind, but my feet stayed frozen to the ground. She grinned and my anger boiled even more. "Now don't get too hasty dear, you've got a purpose in this story too. I'm about to give you a shortcut so you can get back to that boring thing you call 'your life'."

I clenched my teeth. "What exactly do I have to do?"

"Hmm . . ." she trailed a long crooked finger down the page as she read. "Let's see, Rachel aka Rei—"

"It's Rachel, not Rei or any other stupid nickname you want to give me." I snapped.

"Technically your name doesn't exist in this world, so suck it up. No more interrupting." My lips shut on their own accord, and stayed that way no matter how hard I tried to move them. I swear, if I could kill her with my eyes I would. "Rei, it seems that you have to find your soul mate to get home . . . oh dear . . ."

_Oh dear? I didn't know a lot about Naruto or fantasy stories in general; but I knew enough that someone suddenly saying 'oh dear' wasn't a good sign._

"Well this is embarrassing." She chuckled to herself, amused about something. "It seems that your soul mate has already passed away."

At first, my shock had overwhelmed me so much that I physically could not move. Almost immediately after my senses returned, I blew up. Since my mouth was still under the witch's control, everything I yelled only came out as muffled sounds through my lips.

"What's that? Can't hear you!" The hag mocked, while holding her hand cupped over her ear.

I put one hand on my hip and pointed the other to my mouth.

"Ha, ha! That's right." With a wave of her hand the spell she had put on me, released.

"Are you saying I'm stuck here forever?" I shrieked.

"Of course not! Your path will just be a little more difficult, that's all!" she explained, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Then again, I didn't know this world; maybe it was. "But don't worry I will make it up to you."

"How?" I asked, warily. Rule number two of fairytales: Never trust and old witch. Just look at what happened when I let her in the house.

"I will be generous, and give you an important surviving tool to assist you on your journey. This is a Shinobi world; it's only fair that you should be able to protect yourself with Shinobi powers." She beamed.

Shinobi powers, that didn't sound half bad.

I could go the normal route and ask for healing powers, or the ability to control nature. Or maybe I could have a flying power. Or unlimited weapons; yeah, something like that would be cool too.

Or maybe…

Who was I kidding? I didn't know anything about this world. I didn't know what kinds of obstacles I would run across. I didn't know what was safe and what I should find threatening. I didn't even know what might be useful. I was at a complete disadvantage.

All I really wanted was to wake up in my living room and go on that stupid blind date with Tim's psycho-crazy cousin.

"I suppose asking for ruby red slippers to send me back home is out of the question?" I tried.

"Tsk, tsk. Such a smart mouth for such a young child." She shook her head. "The sooner you get this over with, the sooner you finish your story, and the sooner you go home."

"You still haven't told me how to finish my story!" I cried, giving up on staying calm.

The hag let out an exaggerated sigh. "Yes I did, I told you to find you soul mate. Find him; kiss him, and voila! You get to go home. That is if you still want to . . ."

I stared at her puzzled. "You said my 'soul mate' was dead!"

She shrugged. "Yeah, so?"

"GROSS!" I shouted in horror. "I'm supposed to _kiss _a DEAD guy!"

"Oh calm down it's not that bad. Just brush aside the bugs and worms, and pretend you're kissing a wall. Who knows maybe you'll wake him up." She winked at me and I fought to hold back the vomit creeping up my esophagus.

I don't care how desperate things got; there was no way I would ever touch—let alone kiss—anything that had its own resting place.

"Oh cheer up! Look, I'll make a deal. You humor this old woman by hanging around and playing along for a bit and I'll research to see if there is another way your story can end. You never know, you just might have fun in the process!" Her face contort into what I think was supposed to be a grin, but it looked painful and hurt to watch.

I sighed. It wasn't like I really had a choice anyway. "Fine, I'll play your stupid game."

"Yes! Wonderful!" She croaked, clapping her hands together. I wondered if her skin would fall off if she did it too hard. "So what skills will I be gracing you with today, my dear?"

I hesitated. "I can ask for anything."

The senile woman nodded. "Anything at all!"

I took a deep breath. The only time I would need a power would be if I found myself against an opponent. Once again, I didn't know who could do what, so I didn't know what skill were useful.

I could only think of one solution.

"I want the ability to defend myself against any opponent who wishes to harm me." Exhale.

"Is that all?"

"Uh huh." I nodded.

"Done."

That was way too easy. "Really?"

The old woman shrugged. "I thought you'd ask for a lot more than that. Most people ask for money and weapons, along with great powers. You could have too, but you didn't."

"Can I now?" I tried.

"Nope, too late now." Proclaimed the witch.

I crossed my arms, and pouted angrily.

"Besides," The witch continued. "I gave you a very special ability. But you'll have to be careful, not everyone can control it.

Leave it to a witch to be cryptic and sneaky.

The woman shut the book, and it disappeared in a puff of smoke. As I tried to figure out where it went, I realized that I was never going to get used to this world. "Okay, now the fun part; dressing you to fit in!"

Great, this was just what I needed; a makeover from a woman whose looked as if she just walked out of a coffin.

She waved her hand, and I felt a tingling sensation vibrate throughout my entire body. I opened my eyes and standing in front of me was a dark haired girl in tight fitting black shorts and a scandalously revealing black top. The mirror shifted and I realized the girl in the ill fitted clothing was me.

I didn't want to imagine what the boys back home would say if they saw me in this getup.

"No, absolutely not." I covered my chest with my arms.

"What?" Questioned the old woman. "You don't like it?"

I shook my head. "I don't care if everyone in this world dresses like a slut, I refuse to wear this."

Sighing, she caved. "Fine."

I blinked. In a matter of seconds, I watched as my shirt turned into a regular tank top, and a long overcoat was added to my appearance. The shorts were still tighter that I would have preferred but I was willing to overlook it just this once. I turned to the side and smirked.

I didn't look half bad in ninja clothes.

I looked the witch in the eye. "What's your name anyway?"

"Fumi." She said before chuckling.

"Fumi," I began. I looked in the mirror again. The new image was giving me a new personality. Normally, I was a nice girl, but with all this dark clothing I was starting to feel…a bit dark myself.

I looked like a ninja, I apparently had 'ninja' abilities; it made me wonder _what_ exactly a ninja could get away with doing. I wondered what would happen if I decided to cause a little 'ninja' trouble?

"Fumi, are there any rules that I have to follow while I'm here? Is there anything that will keep me from being able to go home?" I turned my body, checking myself out from the other side.

The witch burst into a dry amused hackle. "Oh, Rei. Thinking about causing a bit of mischief while you're here, are you?"

I grinned. "Well I have to do something to keep myself entertained."

It wasn't like it could hurt anything. Nothing in this world was real, after all.

**OooOooO**

**I can't believe I'm picking this up again. I swore I never would. Shoot me now…lol**

**As always, if you enjoyed let me know! If not, let me know how to make it better!**

**BadFiction**


	2. Chapter 2

**ADDITIONAL WARNINGS (in case the ones on the first chapter weren't already enough): screwed up logical equations, madness, interrupted trains of thought, smutty thoughts, bashing, occness, immaturity, dependency, crack, bad plotting, lustful gazes, awkwardness, sketchy age gaps, dumb blond syndrome…**

**So read at your own risk. You have been warned . . .**

**OooOooO**

**Taking over Naruto**

**OooOooO**

**Chapter Two: The Land of Oz . . .**

_(Also known as 'The Land of incredibly Hot Ninja boys')_

**OooOooO**

_When in doubt, tell the truth.-_**Mark Twain.**

**OooOooO**

He was not real.

He was part of a world, which was a part of a cartoon television show. Cartoon television shows contained fictional characters whose birth derived from the overactive imagination of their creator's mind. Fictional characters were exactly that; fiction.

Thus, due to certain logic, I had to conclude that there was absolutely no possible way that the blond haired, blue eyed man was, in fact, a real live person.

So, since I had categorized him as a part of someone else's imagination; I also had to conclude that there was no possible way that I was finding myself attracted to the perfectly defined muscles of his—OH, HOT DAMN! HE WAS TAKING OFF HIS SHIRT!

I gulped, knowing the battle was lost when I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from the moisture gathering along the indentation of his spine. Leaning back on my stool, I followed the trail of a stray droplet until it disappeared underneath the waistband of his dangerously low sweatpants. The blond haired Adonis turned slightly to talk to his equally attractive dark haired comrade, giving me a full on visual of the sculpted areas of his abdomen and the slight definition of his hipbone.

I fell off my barstool causing a loud crash, and blushed as I gained the attention of every eye in the somewhat shady establishment. To my left, a red head whose face was hidden in the newspaper he was reading, chuckled at my clumsiness.

I know what you're thinking. "I thought this story was going to be different?" "I thought the lead girl wasn't going to get all goo-goo eyed over her favorite character!" Look, if you can name one seventeen year old who doesn't suffer from the raging war that is their hormones, I'll introduce you to the next Mother Theresa. As for me; fictional or not, that guy was damn hot.

In fact, it seemed every single character of the male species that I ran across in this God forsaken world could give me heart failure on sight alone. I wasn't usually the type to drool over a guy, but dear God, were the animators of this anime sexually suppressed teenage girls? Didn't they realize that the real world included normal men with imperfections so that females like myself didn't have to fear self-inflicted body injuries via walking into walls (or falling off barstools) every time a member of the opposite sex decided to bare a little skin?

I rubbed the tender area forming on the back of my scull, realizing that there was a strong chance that if I didn't get my hormones in check, I wouldn't last until the end of the day.

Grumbling under my breath about the injustice of having to stare at untouchable, fictional, hot males, I pushed myself back to my feet and glared at the owners of the eyes staring at me.

"What are you all looking at?" I yelled, placing the stool right-side up again. "You act as if you've never seen a chick fall off a barstool before!"

The red head behind the paper started full out laughing at me now. I focused my best glare as I acknowledged him angrily. "What the hell are you laughing at, pretty boy?"

He snorted, "Pretty boy? I'm old enough to be you father, kid."

As he lowered the paper, I got a good look at his face and wondered if he was slightly psychotic. With boyish cheeks and smooth, hairless facial skin—the only thing that looked old on him were dark circles around his amazing aqua colored eyes. He barely looked older than I was, let alone old enough to be my father.

"Psh." I quipped. "What are you, like, sixteen?"

"Add about ten years and you'd be closer." He said, returning his eyes to scanning the paper in front of him.

I did a double take. If all twenty-six year olds in the world of Naruto looked this good, I might never leave…

"Psh," I argued, taking a seat at his table instead of returning to my stool. "That still doesn't make you old enough to be my father. You'd still be within my dating range."

I rested my chin on my hands as I blatantly checked him out. Just like every other male I had come across, he was hot; ridiculously so, since his fire red hair and piercing aqua eyes seemed to make him stand out even more than any of the others I'd come across thus far. Even though he wore a thick vest and leather armor covered his forearms I could tell that he was hiding some serious muscle tone underneath that long sleeve maroon top of his as well. He arched an almost non-existent eyebrow at me as I not so nonchalantly looked him up and down, amusement clearly written on his face. "I thought you were interested in the blonde over there."

I shrugged, bringing my own blue eye up to meet his. "What can I say; I have a short attention span. You're the first person to talk to me in a non-threatening manner. And I'm hoping to persuade you into buying me a meal."

Right on cue, my stomach protested the fact that I hadn't filled it since I was implanted into this world against my will—almost a day and a half ago—by making loud gurgling noises. Normally, I would have blushed at such an unattractive body reaction, but in this case it served my purposes perfectly and it wasn't like I had any reason to be embarrassed when in the presence of imaginary people. Even if the imaginary person I was currently in the presence of was as dead sexy as someone could possibly be.

Some might argue that, if I was in an imaginary world, with imaginary people, that my hunger would technically be imaginary too, and I should be able to imagine myself food. I would just have to remind them that this world did not play by my rules and that if it did, I would have imagined myself home mere seconds after the witch abandoned me to fend for myself in the utter unknown. Not that I hadn't already tried…

Lucky for me, the imaginary red headed character had been created with a conscious—as well as a delicious looking body—and handed me his menu without me having to resort to begging. "Order whatever you want."

I thanked him eagerly, while practically ripping the paper out of his hand. He chuckled again at me and I stuck my tongue out at him teasingly. That was where my happy mood ended though. Opening the folded paper and looking over its contents, I felt all the blood drain from my face.

He must have noticed my panicked expression because a moment later he asked, "What's wrong?"

At first I didn't know how to respond. I was in so much shock that I just stared like a lunatic at the paper in front of me trying to understand what it was that had horrified me into speechlessness. Then, as my mind seemed to relocate itself again, it all clicked into place.

Kanji. Everything was written in bloody _Kanji_!

How did that witch expect me to survive if I couldn't understand the native language? I didn't know a think about Japanese! I didn't even know what letters I was looking at! At least if it had been Spanish or French I might be able to fake pronouncing something, but kanji was just a bunch of pictures! How was I supposed to fake something that I didn't know the sounds too! This train of thought brought up another question—how was I communicating with the man next to me if his native language was Japanese?

"English dubs." explained a voice from inside my head. It was raspy and hoarse and I couldn't help but jump in my seat. I was about to search the room franticly for the owner when she added, "Now, now, none of that. You're going to scare off the nice man feeding you. Only you can hear and see me, you know."

Oh, no. Fumi was in my head now, too. I couldn't take this anymore. He would probably think I was insane but I had to vent to someone about the nightmare I found myself unable to escape from, and he just happened to be the first and only person I've met.

So I told him _exactly_ what was wrong.

"I was kidnapped and put in this world by an insane old woman who claims to be two hundred and fifty years old. I'm starting to hear her voice in my head and she enjoys tormenting me. As far as I know this is an anime show about a ninja named Naruto that I've never actually sat down and watched. I have no idea where I am or what I'm supposed to be doing here except that for me to get home I have to kiss a dead guy who is supposedly my 'soul mate'. I'm fairly certain that I will do something stupid to end up getting killed within a week, even though the witch supposedly gave me powers to prevent that from happening. I think she might have lied though, because I have yet to access such powers. But when I do, I think I just might hunt down the person this show is named after and beat him to a pulp for existing. If he had never been created I never would have been stuck here to begin with. To top it off, today is my eighteenth birthday and instead of celebrating it eating cake, getting drunk, and making out with hot guys—like normal girls my age—I'm stuck in an imaginary bar, talking to an imaginary guy who claims to be ten years older than he looks, staring at an imaginary menu that I can't read, so I can eat imaginary food for the first time in a day and a half. Now you know everything wrong with me; happy?" I had said everything in almost one breath so I took a moment of gasping to bring much needed oxygen to my lungs.

The red head blink at me surprised, before scooting closer and taking the paper from my hands. "If you needed me to read to you, you just had to ask."

My mouth fell open as he began reading out loud the entrée options and pointing to some of the pictures that went along with the selections.

"You don't think I'm crazy?" I voiced, incredulously. Even I thought I was crazy!

"Stranger things have happened around here." He claimed. "Happy birthday, by the way…"

He trailed off and I knew he was waiting for me to state my name. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth. Either he was the most accepting person on the planet (I had to remind myself that this planet couldn't possibly be the same as earth) or stuff like this really did happen in Naruto.

Sighing, I held out my hand to him and gave him the name the witch had grace me with. "I'm supposed to go by Rae. The witch told me that my name didn't exist in this world."

"Gaara." He took my hand in his briefly and I couldn't help but feel a surge of electricity where our palms touched before he released his grip and continuing to read off the menu. I picked something that not only sounded good, but was recommended by the red head as well and placed my order with the waitress as she passed by. Gaara ordered something that sound utterly disgusting and when our food arrived I couldn't help but cringe at the putrid smell that lingered in my direction. Luckily, the mouth-watering aroma of my entrée overpowered his and my appetite wasn't affected in the least.

The two of us ate in silence—mostly because I was too busy stuffing my face and staring at the blonde again, to try and instigate more conversation—and when Gaara finished he muttered a farewell while tossing a large amount of money on the table next to his empty plate. He stood and was halfway out the exit when I jumped up from my seat and followed after in a sprint. I had suddenly gotten the craziest of ideas, and I couldn't let this opportunity pass. Who know when I would meet another person willing to buy me a meal without expecting anything in return? But then again, just because he was nice enough to buy me food didn't mean that I really knew anything about this guy either. It couldn't have been a ploy to get me to do exactly this, so he could lead me into forest and chop me up into a million tiny pieces when no one could hear me scream…

I shook that thought from my head. I really needed to get a grip. I was pretty sure that Naruto was rated PG13. It was a ninja cartoon, not a horror movie. What was the worst that could happen?

Fidgeting nervously, as I mentally debated what I was about to ask, I took a deep breath and grabbed the red head's arm before he could get any further away. "Hey, Gaara."

He gave me a curious glance over his shoulder, before stopping and nodding at me to continue.

"Um…" Why was this so hard? It wasn't like me to be shy. He should feel privileged that I wanted to offer him this golden opportunity to play the hero in my story—so why did I suddenly feel so nervous when he looked down upon me with those gorgeous eyes of his. Twenty six—sixteen, it didn't matter how old he said he was, he was still a fine specimen of the male species and my knees couldn't help but turn to jello under his gaze. I took another deep breath trying to calm myself as I spoke. "Do you think I could travel with you? You're the first pers—"

"No." he interrupted, rudely. He could have at least heard me out before rejecting me so quickly! Suddenly, he was no longer the nice, sexy, ninja that had bought me my first meal and was now a rude, arrogant, jerkoff that I wanted to make regret the day he said no to me!

"What?" I shouted, all shyness being replaced with growing anger. To say I didn't take rejection well was an understatement. "Why not?"

"Let's just say I don't want to watch you drooling all over my friend everywhere we go."

Oh. So he didn't travel alone…but wait, who was his friend? Then it hit me.

"The blonde?" I spat out, looking back through the open doorway, trying to get a good look at the object of my desire. He was no longer where I first spotted him, and I felt a little sadness creep into my chest knowing that I had missed his departure. "He's your friend?"

Gaara nodded and I felt a little excitement at knowing I might get to see the gorgeous male again, until I realized that he wasn't letting me go with him.

I wasn't opposed to begging, though.

I threw myself on the ground at his feet and grabbed Gaara's legs in my arms. "Please! Please! Please! You're my only hope! I have no money! No food! I don't know how to fight! I can't stay at this hole in the wall forever, but If I go out there alone someone might try to kill me! If you leave me here my blood will be on your hands!"

I wish I could say that the tears streaming down my face were a part of some act, but as I said every word I realized how true what I was saying really was. I really could die, and that thought alone had me shaking to my core.

"You honestly have no clue who I am, do you?"

I lifted my gaze, searching his face, and shook my head from side to side.

"How do you know that I won't kill you? What makes you think I don't already have blood on my hands?" he asked with a dead serious look on his face.

I shivered slightly, knowing that I truly didn't know. I had even had that same thought only a few minutes ago. In the end, there was only had one answer that came to mind. "Instinct… And faith."

"You're willing to risk your life on faith alone?"

I nodded, praying that it was the right answer.

He sighed and grabbed my arms pulling me to a standing position. "I'm going to regret this."

My eyes widened and I couldn't stop the smile growing across my face. "You're letting me come with you!"

He nodded after a small hesitation and I threw myself at him in an overjoyed embrace. I felt him stiffen before I was suddenly pulled away by an invisible force. Confusion overloaded my senses as his eyes took a cold look. "But only if you promise to never do that again."

My head tilted to the side, pondering his reaction. "You don't like hugs?"

Because really, who didn't like hugs?

"No."

I had no response.

Gaara turned and started walking towards the back of the establishment where a trail picked up and lead into the wooded forest. I hoped silently that he was meeting up with his hot friend on the path and felt giddy inside knowing that I was going to get the chance to travel as one of the blonde's compainions. I quickly ran my fingers through my long dark hair, trying to comb the knots out so I would look somewhat presentable when I finally got to meet him.

"You know…I probably would have just followed you anyway, even if you insisted that I couldn't come with you." I said suddenly, knowing that I would have done just that until he let me travel with him willingly.

Gaara snorted. "You could have tried."

I glared at the back of his head, switching to comb the other side of my curly locks. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You may be dressed like a Kunoichi, but no one would ever mistake you for one. I doubt you'd be able to keep up with us after ten minutes."

I stopped in my tracks, letting my hair fall down my back. "What's a Kunoichi?"

He shook his head and I had to jog to catch back up with him. "I rest my case. A Kunoichi is a female ninja."

"Oh."

"If you had been a Kunoichi, though…" he continued, never stopping to see if I was still following. "I really would have left you behind. And if you _had _followed me, your blood really would have been on my hands. You should know, Rae, that I am truly a person to be feared."

I never got a chance to respond, because he stopped walking at the same time a loud voice shouted through the foliage. "Gaara! Over here!"

Both of us turned in time to see a yellow blur rushing towards us at inhuman speed. The blur launched itself at Gaara, but the red head was faster and managed to redirect the object over his head and onto the ground behind him in a single movement. I stared in awe as the shirtless blonde I had been lusting after at the bar materialized right before my eyes. I bit my lip, holding back my excitement as he jumped to his feet and noticed me standing next to Gaara.

"Who's the brat?"

My heart dropped at those words, but then realizing that the deep voice had come from behind me and not from my imaginary crush. I spun around seeking out the voice and my eyes discovered the owner to be the dark haired, onyx eyed man I had seen accompanying the blonde earlier at the bar. Instantly, my eyes roamed over his undeniably attractive features as well. I couldn't help it; with all these perfect specimens popping up out of nowhere, I was in teenage hormone overdrive. It was seriously only a matter of time before I jumped one of them declaring my undying love.

I really hoped that I wouldn't turn into that kind of girl, no matter how tempting the idea was.

"Her name is Rae. She's found herself in an unfavorable situation and requested to accompany us as we travel for her protection. I am allowing it for now."

"What if I object?" replied the man facing me. I swore I saw his onyx eye flash red as he crossed his arms and looked down on me with a scowl on his face. "She'll either be a threat or a hindrance, and we don't need either slowing us down."

"Sasuke! Don't be such a bastard!" cried the blonde from behind me. I almost swooned knowing that he was coming to my defense as he turned me around and greeted me with a wide smile. "Any friend of Gaara's is a friend of ours!"

I smiled, he smiled more. And then he told me his name. "Hi, I'm Naruto."

The smile fell from my face in an instant.

"What?" I cried in disbelief. "_You're_ Naruto!"

He nodded, obviously not understanding my sudden reaction to his name.

"No, no, no, no, no…" I repeated, stepping back away from the object of my nightmare. "I can't go anywhere with you. You—you—you—you're the reason I'm stuck in this place to begin with! I can't—I just can't—"

"I don't understand…" his hurt expression tore at my heart, but I just couldn't stop moving backwards away from him. I turned and ran…

Right into the dark haired man's chest.

I was powerless to do anything as he scooped me up by my waist and flung me over his shoulder. I tried to punch his back with my fists but stopped as soon as I realized I was only hurting myself against the rock solid muscles underneath his grey shirt. Really, this just wasn't fair at all.

I went limp in defeat as he walked forward a few steps and found myself face to face with the one person I had been hoping to avoid while stuck in this world. I still couldn't help but find every part of him attractive as I let my eyes travel over the exposed areas of his body one more time.

Why did I have to be attracted to the one person in this world I hated with a passion? And why was he the only one without a shirt on?

"Apologize to the dobe." I was brought out of my somber thoughts by a rough shake from my captor.

Wishing I could claw him to death, but knowing it was useless, I glared at a leaf on the ground refusing to cooperate. He shook me again and I gave up my stubbornness when his shoulder dug painfully into my abdomen.

"Alright! Alright!" I shouted. "I'm sorry for being rude! But it really is his fault!"

Sasuke tossed me to the ground none too gently and began walking away. Naruto smiled at me weakly, before offering his hand to assist me to my feet again. "I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry. You can still come with us if you want, since you're in trouble and all."

I hesitated, before realizing I didn't have a choice. These three really were my only hope in this place. I placed my hand in Naruto's and begrudgingly allowed him to pull me to my feet. Not wanting to be left behind I turned quickly and followed the dark haired ninja up the trail, passing Gaara in the process.

I paused, noticing the wicked smile on his face. Suddenly, I was hit with a realization.

"You knew!" I accused, pointing a finger at him. "I told you everything, so you knew how I would react meeting Naruto!"

His grin grew more fearsome by the second. "I warned you that I wasn't the person you believed me to be."

My mouth dropped in shock. He left me in my stunned state as he followed after Sasuke, never giving me a second glance to see if I was still behind him.

_What have I gotten myself into?_ I wondered as I stood rooted to the forest floor, staring after the red head who was supposed to be my knight in shining armor. _And is it too late to retreat?_

Unfortunately, I knew the answer to that question when an arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me along the path, trying to comfort me as we walked. "Don't worry, Rae. We'll help you with whatever your situation is. And you're in luck! We're the strongest Shinobi in the five nations! So nothing can hurt you as long as you stay with us!"

I couldn't help but submit to his cheerful attitude. Even though I wanted to hate him, he was just so damn loveable. It helped that he was still shirtless and his closeness was only serving to turn my poor logical mind into mush as he held me to his side.

Anymore of this and I was going to get a nose bleed.

Sighing, I decided that maybe, just maybe, I could deal with the blonde after all; until I found whoever my 'soul mate' was, and then I could kiss him and get the hell back home. At least I knew that none of these three could be my soul mate since they were obviously alive and kicking.

But then again, they might be able to point me in the right direction. They were natives after all; they would know where I could find the dead. And potentially, they might know who it was I was supposed to kiss.

I cringed. As much as I wanted this whole ordeal to be over with, I was in no hurry to kiss a corpse any time soon. I would ask them, but I would wait until the time presented itself. In the meantime, I would focus on learning how to survive in this messed up world.

And how I could turn the odd to my favor.

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><p><strong>End note: And you guys didn't think I would update this did you? hehehe... As always read and review! I'd love to know what you think!<strong>

**BadFiction  
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